Thursday, February 12, 2009

I am the master of my thoughts

I am reading The Secret. Yes, it’s a nice book. I remembered on my childhood poem – ‘If you think – YOU CAN’.

I have completed 50 pages of the book and I am feeling confused. Yes, that right that one should feel good inside and that will help you make your thoughts wise and good. You will receive optimistic response to what you want.
I was just trying to use this technique on my feelings. I decided to feel good. No matter what happens, I should feel good inside. So I decided to apply it to anything and everything I am thinking.
As written in my last post – sometimes I just feel like to just quit. I have reasons why I feel so but this time I decided to ‘think-good’.

Then I thought of the things which I never liked – why I don’t like those things/people? Basically in terms of people – I start feeling irritating if I see that whatever they think is the perspective which way different than mine. Basically I believe whatever that my perspective is, is the only right perspective. I do try to understand the other person – I feel ok - may be he is right at his position because that person’s surroundings and the culture where in he has been living is the way he thinks and hence he has that particular perspective but going further as long as that person keeps his perspective to his limits that’s fine – I can adjust with that person. But the moment he starts forcing it on me I start getting irritated in the presence of that person. Then I become Touch Me Not and I start avoiding him. For some reason, it goes till feeling distant and then I start feeling insecure in terms of my own freedom… I feel that I will loose my freedom and the very moment I start reacting. That reaction then makes me feel unhappy inside…. And I decide to quit.

Now in this whole process where is the chance to feel good? How should I convince myself that whatever happening is happening for good? Either I should adopt other person’s perspective and feel good (that means keep quite, accept everything that comes to you – feel good and distribute positive energy) or else fight. In fighting comes unhappiness of hurting somebody….

I donno… I need somebody this time to help me come out of my own dilemmas… May be the book itself can help me. I yet have to complete reading it.

So till the time I find out solution on my dilemmas, stay tuned!!!
J
Cheers,
Alpana

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Changing self

It’s almost a year now I cldn’t blog. I wanna be honest here, I don’t want to give arguments. This space is my small world where I can write my opinions, experiences, fantasies and can live with it forever.
A reason for not writing was I didn’t feel up to it. There were ‘n’ number of emotional ups and downs I was going through. I was in the phase of analysis. I am still in this phase. God knows when I am going to come out of it.
I did some introspection and some analysis of people around me. And I felt that it’s difficult to change anybody at the same time it’s difficult to change yourself as well. But how to live life the way you want when you know surrounding is not what you had expected or at least what you want….
Love I understood is just nothing when it comes to views and thinking. Love is one wave where as thinking process or perspective to look at certain things is another wave. It doesn’t match and at the same time it can live parallel. But then two people living together have Love is common and thinking in two different directions, how can they live? More than that if people surrounding you have altogether different way of thinking and different set of opinions, values, look outs then how would you live with them? Change youself completely? That’s what I am trying to cope up with.
You know that the feeling of getting loved and to love is the best feeling in the world. Still you feel insecure when it comes to living, why? Insecure of knowing that others can not match to your thinking and you can’t to their thinking. Sometimes irritation when you understand the other set of thinking and feel too distant… Sometimes lonely and sometimes a feeling of getting caught and sometimes to give up, I am going through all this cycle of feelings everyday!!
I am trying to cope up with all of them. I can’t express all these mixed feelings and incidences related to it. But I wanna get rid of this state of mind. I wanna be the same as I was before. I wanna be the same…..

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Soul Mate...

Finally I got my soul mate… I am feeling immense pleasure in writing this here. This place has always been my small world space where I have noted my fantasies, experiences and views. Today I feel that now this world and for that matter anything that I am going to experience will not be just mine, now it will be ours. May be this small private place of my blog will have his presence somewhere when I ll write something here onwards. At least a smell of his presence will always be there.

Here the years of search, sometimes disappoints and sometimes hurting others & getting hurt has stopped. I always had a thought that I would love to have a mate with whom I will share my life, I will share my laugh, cry and happy moments. Today I feel contended when I look at him and think of life. I have cried in front of him and he had taken me in his arms, we have laughed together and the height of madness is we sing songs together whenever they come to our lips :p without having fear whether we are in theme..
I had thought of a caring person and I got loving person as a bonus, I had thought of simplicity and I got down to earth as an additional quality, I had thought of kind hearted person and I got heart full of dreams as a diamond on gold :)
Now I must stop talking too much about him. I am getting engaged on 24th June and I am feeling as if life has changed altogether… How can it be possible so easily? How I got absorbed in an altogether different world so easily, so comfortably?
Thanks to Manish for accepting me the way I am. This post is dedicated to his love for me.